Nothing can compare with the mind blowing, life altering, holy shifting words “You have cancer.” Or in my case, “it’s back again.” And while the numbers are low enough that I can continue to pretend I am in the clear and healthy, the ever present gift is knowing that I may not be here for long.
So how then shall I live? Do I live for today and create/embrace joy wherever I can?
Acting as if life is short, makes me want to dance and sing, meditate, eat good food, love and laugh with friends and sing and dance. Did I mention sing and dance? Acting as if life is short makes me want to gather all of the loose threads of unfinished songs and record them with lush and magnificent harmony! Acting as if life is short makes me want to write about all I have learned this lifetime and impart the information with as much passion as I can muster! Acting as if life is short makes me want to clean my closets, give away a bunch of once loved stuff, and make simple what I leave behind.
On the other hand, acting as if I have another 10 or 20 years ahead of me, I would develop a business plan. I would start looking for gigs, concert opportunities, book signings and speaking engagements. Acting as if I have another 10 or 20 years ahead of me, I would be learning all I can about marketing myself and my work in new ways. I would be working hard at making a living.
What occurs to me of course is that none of us knows when we will make our transition. I get that. But dancing with cancer for five years has been such an incredible Holy Shift, that the questions I have remain deliciously unanswered. However, living for today… Whatever that means and all that that means, is very different than making a living and marketing oneself.
Maybe singing and dancing, meditating and eating well, loving and laughing with friends will be all the “business planning” and “marketing” I will need to sustain a healthy happy life for as long as I do live!? And maybe by acting as if life is short, I will add years to my life! Hmmmm!!?